The management of the future Four Seasons Hotel still won’t confirm that New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees has purchased a posh multi-million-dollar condo in their new development in the former World Trade Center building, at the river-end of Canal Street. This is in spite of the fact that in mid-October, the TMZ gossip website ran a story titled “DREW BREES COPS BALLER CONDO IN N.O. HIGH-RISE…!!!” in which they claimed to reveal his future address.
Earlier this week, Four Seasons sales director David Seerman explained that though the hotel protects the anonymity of its clientele and he couldn’t discuss the possibility of the Brees purchase, it would be possible for us to visit a sample condo, which we choose to believe is pretty similar to the one Brees purchased, if he purchased one, which Seerman couldn’t discuss.
When we contacted the Saints to request an interview with Mr. Brees on the subject, a team representative said that “Drew understands the interest and certainly how people might be intrigued by this, but he’s going to respectfully decline getting into the details during the season.”
Which we choose to view as a confirmation.
The sample condo is not at the construction site. It is hidden in a former Julia Street warehouse. The facsimile luxury living space seems utterly authentic, right down to the high-altitude views of the New Orleans cityscape, which are photographically projected onto the faux windows. The condo built-ins are stylish, but not too stylish, if you know what we mean. The Italian marble countertops are crystalline but not too veiny. The chocolate-colored American walnut floor is warm, but not too rustic. The Space Age silver faucets in the bathroom are cool but not weird. The arctic-white Canadian lacquered cabinetry is sleek, but not slick. You get it: The place has character but is still a blank canvas.
To be honest, the sample art and furniture in the facsimile condo is classy, though a bit bland. But Seerman said the interior decoration is left up to the individual buyer anyway. We are unaware if Mr. Brees (alleged Mr. Brees, that is) is the shag carpet type or the natural jute rug type. Or if he prefers individual recliners or a squishy sectional couch. So far as art is concerned, presumptive Mr. Brees could easily funk the place up a little with just a Muses glitter shoe, a Josh Wingerter stencil, a Dr. Bob “Be Nice or Leave” sign, and a few other examples of Crescent City accoutrement. Plus a framed Super Bowl jersey and a trophy case. That’s probably what we’d do, anyway.
Brittany should probably be consulted.
After we inspected the sample condo, Seerman squired us over to the construction site in a glinting black SUV, as if we were a potential buyer. We rode the scary exterior construction elevator to above the 19th floor where the future hotel rooms leave off and the private residences begin. Hypothetical Mr. Brees will be able to enter the building via the condo owners’ private lobby, where he will ride a private, not scary elevator to his floor, which wasn’t revealed.
There will be two doors to theoretical Mr. Brees’ theoretical condo. One will be for entering and exiting. The other will be for deliveries. When a condo owner subscribes to a local newspaper or orders a pie from Pizza D or has some Amazon packages dropped off, the condo staff puts them inside the second door. Which is good for reducing coronavirus-era interpersonal contact, and also good for preventing anyone from seeing you when you’re stubbly, bleary-eyed, unwashed and wearing nothing but boxers and Nike slippers, as can be the case when a delivery arrives.
Condo purchasers will enjoy something called “effortless ownership,” whereby the management will handle everything from taking out the trash to washing the windows to dealing with the Sewerage and Water Board. Seerman’s not sure what the service fee will be, but we believe it will be well worth it.
The view from inside Mr. Brees’ condo, if such a thing exists, will be nothing short of spectacular. Thanks to the mod, cruciform shape of the building, each top-of-the-line three-bedroom floorplan (and let’s presume Mr. Brees, who is at the start of a two-year, $50 million contract, splurged on the top-of-the-line three-bedroom floorplan, if he splurged at all) has floor-to-ceiling windows facing out on fully half of the surrounding city. You can see absolutely everything. Well, almost everything. It seems that the one landmark invisible from the towering residences is the Superdome, which is blotted out by tall structures in the CBD.
We think this is an advantage because if you were, say, an NFL quarterback, you might want to forget about the workplace from time to time, right?
Seerman proudly pointed out that, since New Orleans people like to cook, the project developers went to the expense of installing gas stoves in each condo. Standing in the unfinished kitchen, we could easily imagine No. 9 slowly stirring a pot of Texas chili or whipping up some pancakes for the kids, while watching a tugboat push barges around Algiers Point.
Or he could skip all that and just do an end run over to the special owners’ lounge and dining room on the 29th floor in the former World Trade Center’s executive board room for a little Eggs Sardou or some other dish that would be aesthetically harmonious with the restored 1968 interior.
In other 29th floor amenities, is there an adjoining spa? Yep. How about a simulated golf room? Of course. Private bar? Natch. Wine tastings? Guided shopping excursions? Happy hour mixers? Kids playroom? Yessiree!
Even in their unfinished states, the Four Seasons private residences are, well, the condos of the gods. To ride the scary construction elevator back to the pavement below is to arrive once again among mere mortals. If there is any solace as we return to our 2006 Toyota Corolla and trek back to our perfectly acceptable home that now seems like a hovel, it is that the penthouses on the Four Season’s 30th and 31st floors are even larger and have better views than presumed Mr. Brees’ presumed future condo. It’s all a matter of perspective. Alleged Mr. Brees won’t be able to move in until next spring.
We are not jealous.